You're heading a new football broadcaster with an unlimited budget

[Abertawe]

Who's your anchor & what so called experts would make up your panel?

My weekend anchor would be Paddy McGuiness. For the night games though it would have to be Trevor McDonald. Both good lads.

Expert team would comprise of David James, Paul Scholes, Neville Southall, Ledley King, Peter Reid, Craig Bellamy & Eric Cantona. These men wouldn't mince their words.

I'd pay top dollar to have expert expert tactical analysis using gadgets and have the duties be split between Roberto Martinez, Chris Coleman & Sam Allardyce. The Gary Neville role but by someone with half a clue.

 

[Son of Cod]

I would have a feature that is like Gogglebox, but instead it is a set of supporters for each Prem/FL/Conf club sat around watching their matches so you get to see their reactions and listen to their opinions on match action, retrospectively. It would need a huge team of people to sift through the content and edit it but as resources are unlimited, that's fine.

I would impose a strict NO EX-LIVERPOOL/MAN UTD PUNDITS policy and I would use this as a means of marketing.

I'll have a think about personnel and get back to you and add in more thoughts when I have them.

 

[The Mustard Tiger]

Great idea for a thread. First thing I would want to do is take it old school. Let's bring back the boys!

Let the era of top notch banter begin! And we don't want one of these new shiny studios. We need a proper environment that the lads can chat in. Something like this...

No props of fancy gadgets. Just a dartboard and a dog chained to the corner of the bar. There'll be a revolving cast of pundits ranging from Sam Allardyce, Steve Bruce, Ken Bruce, Bruce Wayne, Wayne Rooney, Rooney Mara and Kevin Muscat. All there to give their expert opinion on the crucial goings on that really matter.

Each matchday analysis show will be wrapped up with a Django Unchained style fight in front of a roaring fire consisting of a fan from each side of the two teams that have played that day. Ron Atkinson will spectate whilst smoking a cigar and swilling around an expensive glass of scotch from the comfort of his Chesterfield. Just the boost that English football needs in this day and age.

 

[GTFCfish]

For a highlights programme i would have Trevor Francis, Chris Sutton, Michael Owen and Garth Crooks and have the programme on really late at night, and the challenge for the viewing public would be to see how long they could stay awake with those 4 boring monotone fuckers waffling on.

 

[Cornish Piskie]

I would recruit commentators who are capable of simply reporting the action on the screen. That's all we need to hear. No meaningless statistics. No hyperbole. No naff cliches.

With my unlimited budget I would recruit former CIA interrogators from Guantanamo Bay to listen in to commentaries and send powerful electric shocks to those who use any of the following phrases:

"Goal / pass / save / throw in / meat pie (or anything else) of the season"
"For me that's a penalty."
"Turned on a sixpence".
"Went marauding down the wing."
"Scored on the stroke of half time" Particularly when the goal is scored several minutes before half time. The severity of the electric shock would be increased the further away from half time the goal is actually scored.

I would lobby for a change in the law to enable any of the following - Robbie Savage, Ian Darke, Simon Brotherton, Robbie Savage, Jon Champion, Darren Fletcher, Robbie Savage, Jonathan Pearce, Gary and Phil Neville, Michael Owen, Robbie Savage, Jamie Redknapp, Jamie Carragher, Alan Shearer, Garth Crooks and Robbie Bloody Savage. * - who attempt to get in front of a camera or grab a microphone either at the stadium or in the studio may be legally shot on sight.

Robbie Savage should be shot on sight just for being Robbie Savage.

Football must be protected from these men and their banal utterances and cliche riddled match day drivel.

We owe it to the game. It's for the best.



*this list is not exhaustive.

 

[Camborne Gills]

Make this happen PLEASE!!!

By the way, has Robbie Savage got 4 lookalike android clones?

 

[Camborne Gills]

Great idea for a thread. First thing I would want to do is take it old school. Let's bring back the boys!

Let the era of top notch banter begin! And we don't want one of these new shiny studios. We need a proper environment that the lads can chat in. Something like this...

No props of fancy gadgets. Just a dartboard and a dog chained to the corner of the bar. There'll be a revolving cast of pundits ranging from Sam Allardyce, Steve Bruce, Ken Bruce, Bruce Wayne, Wayne Rooney, Rooney Mara and Kevin Muscat. All there to give their expert opinion on the crucial goings on that really matter.

Each matchday analysis show will be wrapped up with a Django Unchained style fight in front of a roaring fire consisting of a fan from each side of the two teams that have played that day. Ron Atkinson will spectate whilst smoking a cigar and swilling around an expensive glass of scotch from the comfort of his Chesterfield. Just the boost that English football needs in this day and age.

Where is that pub?

 

[The Mustard Tiger]

Anytown UK

 

[Habbinalan]

Where is that pub?

That would be Farnworth, in Bolton - just up the road from the Phoenix